15. Sió-kàu-tn̂g
Chit keng mûi-kùi-âng ê sió-kàu-tn̂g, chhù-téng siâ hiòng chêng, tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī chi̍t ê kám-chhiok iù-siù, chiâⁿ khiân-sêng ê hó lâng só͘ khí-chō ê.
Góa chhiâng-chāi thiaⁿ kóng, taⁿ í-keng bô khiân-sêng ê lâng lah. Che tō ná sī kóng, taⁿ í-keng bô im-ga̍k, bô nâ-sek ê thiⁿ. Góa siong-sìn iáu ū khiân-sêng ê lâng. Góa ka-tī tō chin khiân-sêng. M̄-koh í-chêng bô it-ti̍t án-ne.
Bô kāng ê lâng ta̍t-kàu khiân-sêng ê lō͘ bô kāng. Tùi góa lâi kóng, he kiâⁿ-kòe chē-chē chhò-gō͘ kap pi-siong, keng-kòe chē-chē chū-ngó͘ chiat-bôa, keng-kòe chē-chē chin giâm-tiōng ê gōng tāi-chì. Kòe-khì góa sī lêng-hûn chū-iû ê lâng, jīn-ûi khiân-sêng sī lêng-hûn ū pēⁿ. Góa sī khó͘-hêng-chiá, iōng teng-á chha̍k ka-tī ê bah. Góa m̄-chai khiân-sêng piáu-sī kiān-khong kap pêng-chēng.
Khiân-sêng tō-sī ài ū sìn-ióng. Tan-sûn, ióng-kiāⁿ, kiān-choân ê lâng, gín-á, iá-seng ê oa̍h-bu̍t lóng ē sìn. Lán lâng nā bô tan-sûn a̍h-sī bô kiān-choân tō ài kiâⁿ oan-lō͘ chiah ē chhōe tio̍h sìn-ióng. Siong-sìn ka-tī sī sìn-ióng ê khai-sí. M̄-sī pò-èng, mā m̄-sī chōe-kò hām pháiⁿ-sim, mā m̄-sī kìm-io̍k hām hi-seng tō ē ū sìn-ióng. Só͘-ū chiah-ê phah-piàⁿ kan-ta kap lán sin-gōa ê sîn ū-koan. Lán ài sìn ê sîn sī tī lán ê sin-khu ni̍h. Bô siong-sìn ka-tī ê lâng bē siong-sìn Sîn.
Oh, chit ê chng-kha ê khó-ài, chhin-chhiat ê sió kàu-tn̂g! Lí ê kì-hō kap keng-bûn só͘ tāi-piáu ê sîn kap góa ê bô kāng. Lín ê sìn-tô͘ liām ê keng góa thiaⁿ bô. M̄-koh góa ē-sái tī lí chia kî-tó, tō ná-chhiūⁿ ē-sái tī chhiūⁿ-bo̍k nâ (oak forest/橡木林) a̍h-sī tī soaⁿ-phiâⁿ chháu-po͘ kî-tó. Lí ùi chheⁿ-châng khui-chhut n̂g, pe̍h, a̍h-sī mûi-kùi sek ê hoe, ná-chhiūⁿ siàu-liân-lâng ê chhun-thiⁿ ê koa-siaⁿ. Tùi lí lâi kóng, múi chi̍t ê kî-tó lóng ta̍t-tit chiap-siū, lóng sîn-sèng.
Kî-tó tō ná-chhiūⁿ koa hiah sîn-sèng, hiah sûn-kiat. Kî-tó sī sìn-jīm, sī khak-jīn. Chin-sim kî-tó ê lâng bô kiû siáⁿ, i chí sī kóng i ê chōng-hóng kap i ê su-iàu, i chhiùⁿ-chhut i ê siū-khó͘ kap i ê kám-siā, tō ná-chhiūⁿ sè-hàn gín-á chhiùⁿ-koa. Só͘-í hok-khì ê ún-ki-chiá tī le̍k-tē hām lo̍k-á kî-tó, che ū ōe tī Pisa ê kàu-tn̂g bōng-hn̂g -- sī sè-kài siōng siōng khó-ài ê tô͘. Só͘-í chhiū-á mā ē kî-tó, tōng-bu̍t-á mā ē. Hó ê ōe-ka ê tô͘ ni̍h, múi chi̍t châng chhiū-á kap múi chi̍t lia̍p soaⁿ lóng teh kî-tó.
Lâi-chū khiân-sêng sin-kàu ka-têng ê lâng, lóng ài chhōe chin tn̂g ê lō͘, chiah ē hoat-hiān chit khoán kî-tó. I chai liông-sim ê tē-ga̍k, i chai jîn-keh hun-lia̍t ê sí-bông thòng-khó͘, i o̍h tio̍h kok-chióng ê hun-lī, chiat-bôa, kap choa̍t-bōng. Āu--lâi, i tio̍h-kiaⁿ hoat-hiān i khó͘-khó͘ kiâⁿ-kòe chhì-giâ-giâ ê lō͘ só͘ teh chhōe ê hok-ūn, sī hiah-nī tan-sûn, thian-chin, chū-jiân. M̄-koh chiah-ê chhì-giâ-giâ ê lō͘ m̄-sī bô kè-ta̍t ê. Tńg kàu chhù ê lí-hêng-chiá kap lâu tī chhù ê lâng bô kāng. I ê ài khah chhin-bit, i khah bē iau-kiû chèng-gī, khah bē ū hoàn-sióng. Chèng-gī sī lâu tī chhù ê lâng ê bí-tek, lāu ê bí-tek, goân-sí-lâng ê bí-tek. Che tùi goán siàu-liân lâng bô lō͘-iōng. Goán chai--ê, kan-ta chi̍t chióng khoài-lo̍k: khì ài; kan-ta chi̍t chióng bí-tek: khì sìn.
Chhiūⁿ lín chiah-ê sió kàu-tn̂g, góa him-siān lín, lín ê sìn-tô͘, lín ê hōe-oân. Kúi-nā pah ê kî-tó ê lâng kā lín kóng in ê siū-khó͘, kúi-nā pah ê gín-á tī lín ê mn̂g kat hoe-khoân, chah la̍h-chek lâi hō͘ lín. M̄-koh goán ê sìn-ióng, hn̄g-hn̄g khì lí-hêng ê lâng ê sìn-ióng, sī ko͘-toaⁿ ê. Hiah-ê lāu ê sìn-ióng m̄-sī goán ê tông-phōaⁿ, sè-kài ê chúi-éng í-keng lâu kòe goán ê tó-sū chin hn̄g.
Góa tī hù-kīn ê chháu-po͘ tiah hoe -- sakura-chháu, iâm-sng-chháu, kap bāng-hoàn-chháu (columbine) -- kā khǹg tī sió kàu-tn̂g. Góa chē tī siâ chhù-téng ē-bīn ê lân-kan téng, tī chá-khí ê an-lêng tiong hiⁿ góa khiân-sêng ê koa. Góa ê bō-á khǹg tī chang-sek ê ûi-chhiûⁿ téng, chi̍t chiah nâ-sek ê ia̍h-á poe lâi hioh tī i téng-koân. Hn̄g-hn̄g ê soaⁿ-kok ni̍h, hóe-chhia ê lê-siaⁿ khin-khin hiáng--kòe. É-châng chhiū-á téng sì-kè lóng sī chá-khí ê lō͘-chúi teh siám-sih.
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15. 小教堂
這間玫瑰紅 ê 小教堂, 厝頂斜向前, 定著是一个感觸幼秀, 誠虔誠 ê 好人所起造 ê.
我常在聽講, 今已經無虔誠 ê 人 lah. 這 tō ná 是講, 今已經無音樂, 無藍色 ê 天. 我相信猶有虔誠 ê 人. 我家己 tō 真虔誠. M̄-koh 以前無一直 án-ne.
無仝 ê 人達到虔誠 ê 路無仝. 對我來講, 彼行過濟濟錯誤 kap 悲傷, 經過濟濟自我折磨, 經過濟濟真嚴重 ê 戇代誌. 過去我是靈魂自由 ê 人, 認為虔誠是靈魂有病. 我是苦行者, 用釘仔鑿家己 ê 肉. 我毋知虔誠表示健康 kap 平靜.
虔誠 tō 是愛有信仰. 單純, 勇健, 健全 ê 人, 囡仔, 野生 ê 活物攏會信. 咱人若無單純抑是無健全 tō 愛行彎路才會揣著信仰. 相信家己是信仰 ê 開始. 毋是報應, mā 毋是罪過和歹心, mā 毋是禁慾和犧牲 tō 會有信仰. 所有 chiah-ê 拍拚干焦 kap 咱身外 ê 神有關. 咱愛信 ê 神是 tī 咱 ê 身軀 ni̍h. 無相信家己 ê 人袂相信神.
Oh, 這个庄跤 ê 可愛, 親切 ê 小教堂! 你 ê 記號 kap 經文所代表 ê 神 kap 我 ê 無仝. 恁 ê 信徒念 ê 經我聽無. 毋過我 ē-sái tī 你遮祈禱, tō ná 像 ē-sái tī chhiūⁿ-bo̍k nâ (oak forest/橡木林) 抑是 tī 山坪草埔祈禱. 你 ùi 青叢開出黃, 白, 抑是玫瑰色 ê 花, ná 像少年人 ê 春天 ê 歌聲. 對你來講, 每一个祈禱攏值得接受, 攏神聖.
祈禱 tō ná 像歌 hiah 神聖, hiah 純潔. 祈禱是信任, 是確認. 真心祈禱 ê 人無求啥, 伊只是講伊 ê 狀況 kap 伊 ê 需要, 伊唱出伊 ê 受苦 kap 伊 ê 感謝, tō ná 像細漢囡仔唱歌. 所以福氣 ê 隱居者 tī 綠地和鹿仔祈禱, 這有畫 tī Pisa ê 教堂墓園 -- 是世界上上可愛 ê 圖. 所以樹仔 mā 會祈禱, 動物仔 mā 會. 好 ê 畫家 ê 圖 ni̍h, 每一叢樹仔 kap 每一粒山攏 teh 祈禱.
來自虔誠新教家庭 ê 人, 攏愛揣真長 ê 路, 才會發現這款祈禱. 伊知良心 ê 地獄, 伊知人格分裂 ê 死亡痛苦, 伊學著各種 ê 分離, 折磨, kap 絕望. 後來, 伊著驚發現伊苦苦行過刺 giâ-giâ ê 路所 teh 揣 ê 福運, 是 hiah-nī 單純, 天真, 自然. M̄-koh chiah-ê 刺 giâ-giâ ê 路毋是無價值 ê. 轉到厝 ê 旅行者 kap 留 tī 厝 ê 人無仝. 伊 ê 愛較親蜜, 伊較袂要求正義, 較袂有幻想. 正義是留 tī 厝 ê 人 ê 美德, 老 ê 美德, 原始人 ê 美德. 這對阮少年人無路用. 阮知 ê, 干焦一種快樂: 去愛; 干焦一種美德: 去信.
像恁 chiah-ê 小教堂, 我欣羨恁, 恁 ê 信徒, 恁 ê 會員. 幾若百个祈禱 ê 人 kā 恁講 in ê 受苦, 幾若百个囡仔 tī 恁 ê 門結花環, 扎蠟燭來予恁. M̄-koh 阮 ê 信仰, 遠遠去旅行 ê 人 ê 信仰, 是孤單 ê. Hiah-ê 老 ê 信仰毋是阮 ê 同伴, 世界 ê 水湧已經流過阮 ê 島嶼真遠.
我 tī 附近 ê 草埔摘花 -- sakura 草, 鹽酸草, kap 夢幻草 (columbine) -- kā 囥 tī 小教堂. 我坐 tī 斜厝頂下面 ê 欄杆頂, tī 早起 ê 安寧中 hiⁿ 我虔誠 ê 歌. 我 ê 帽仔囥 tī 棕色 ê 圍牆頂, 一隻藍色 ê 蝶仔飛來歇 tī 伊頂懸. 遠遠 ê 山谷 ni̍h, 火車 ê 螺聲輕輕響過. 矮叢樹仔頂四界攏是早起 ê 露水 teh 閃爍.
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15. Chapel
The rose-red chapel, with its roof sloping forward, must have been build by good men of delicate feeling, and very pious men.
I hear it said so often that today there are no pious men any longer. One could just as easily say that today there is no longer any music and no longer any blue sky. I believe that many pious men exist. I am pious myself. But I wasn't always.
The way to piety may be different for different people. For me it ran through many errors and griefs, through much self-torment, through considerable stupidities, primeval forests of stupidities. I was a free spirit, and knew that piety was a sickness of the soul. I was an ascetic, and drove nails into my flesh. I did not know that piety signifies health and serenity.
To be pious is nothing else than to be trustful. Trust belongs to the simple, healthy, harmless man, the child, the wild creature. Those of us who were not simple or harmless had to find trust by roundabout ways. Trust in yourself is the beginning. Neither by retribution, nor by guilt and a bad conscience, nor by mortification and sacrifice will belief be won. All these efforts have to do with gods who dwell outside of us. The god in which we must believe is within ourselves. Whoever says no to himself cannot say yes to God.
Oh, beloved, intimate chapels of this country! You bear the signs and inscriptions of a god who is not mine. Your believers utter prayers whose words I do not know. And yet I can still pray in you just as in the oak forest or in the mountain meadow. Yellow or white or color of rose, you blossom forth out of the green, like the spring songs of young men. To you, every prayer is acceptable and holy.
Prayer is as holy, as sanctifying as song. Prayer is trust, is confirmation. Whoever prays truly does not ask for anything, he merely recounts his condition and his wants, he sings forth his suffering and his thanks, as little children sing. So the blessed hermits prayed in their oasis among the deer, as they were painted in the churchyard of Pisa -- that loveliest picture in the world. So trees also pray, and animals. In the pictures of a good painter, every tree and every mountain prays.
Anyone who comes from a pious Protestant home has a long way to seek before he finds prayer like this. He knows the hells of conscience, he knows the death sting of personal disintegration, he has learned division, torment, despair of every kind. Later along the path, he is astonished to see how simple, childlike, and natural blessedness is, which he had sought on such thorny ways. But the thorn-covered paths were not without value. The returned traveler is different from the man who remained at home. He loves more intimately, and he is freer from the demands of justice and delusion. Justice is the virtue of those who remain at home, an old virtue, a virtue of primitive men. We younger ones have no use for it. We know only one happiness: love; and only one virtue: trust.
As for you chapels, I envy you your believers, your members. Hundreds of worshippers pour out their suffering to you, hundreds of children tie weaths to your doors and bring their candles to you. But our belief, the piety of those who have traveled so far, is a lonely one. Those of the old belief will not be our companions, and the currents of the world flow past far from our islands.
I pluck flowers in the nearest meadow -- primrose, clover, and columbine -- and lay them in the chapel. I sit down on the parapet under the sloping roof and hum my pious song in the morning stillness. My hat lies on the brown wall, and a blue butterfly comes to rest on it. In the valley far off, a train whistles thinly and gently. On the shrubbery, here and there, the morning dew is still shining.
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