1. Lông-sià | 農舍

Liû-lōng | 流浪

Goân-bûn: Wanderung

Goân chok-chiá: Hermann Hesse

Eng-bûn: Wandering

Eng-bûn e̍k-chiá: James Wright

1. Lông-sià [Tâi-gí gí-im]

Tō sī chit-keng chhù, tī chia góa kóng chài-hōe. Kú-kú góa bē-koh khòaⁿ tio̍h chit-khoán chhù. Lí chai, góa tit-boeh kàu Alpes-soaⁿ ê chi̍t-ê soaⁿ-koan, tī chia, pak-pêng ê, Tek-kok ê kiàn-tio̍k, Tek-kok ê chng-kha, kap Tek-kok ê gí-giân lóng kàu chīn-bóe.

Kiâⁿ-kòe chit-chióng pian-kài chin sim-sek. Lōng-chú tī chin-chē hong-bīn piàn-chiâⁿ goân-sí-lâng, tō ná chhiūⁿ iû-bo̍k-chiá pí chò-sit-lâng khah goân-sí kāng-khoán. M̄-koh hāng-hāng siūⁿ boeh khì lēng-gōa hit-pêng ê ǹg-bāng í-keng tiāⁿ-tio̍h ah, tùi góa lâi kóng, tùi chhiūⁿ góa ê lâng mā kāng-khoán, chit-ê pian-kài tō ná sī kiâⁿ hiòng bī-lâi ê lō͘-piau. Chún-nā ū chin chē lâng chhiūⁿ góa hiah-nī thó-ià kok kap kok ê pian-kài, tō bē koh ū chiàn-cheng kap hong-só lah. Tē-kiû siōng bô pí pian-kài koh-khah thó-lâng-ià, koh-khah kò͘-lâng-oàn ê lah. In tō ná tōa-phàu, ná chiong-kun: chí-iàu ûi-chhî chhin-ài kap hô-pêng, bô-lâng ē chù-ì in -- m̄-koh chi̍t chhut-hiān chiàn-cheng a̍h-sī po̍k-loān, in tō piàn-chiâⁿ iàu-kín koh sîn-sèng. Tī chiàn-cheng tang-tiong, pian-kài sī goán lōng-chú ê thòng-khó͘ kap kàm-ga̍k. In lóng khì sí hó lah!

Góa tī phō͘-á teh ōe chit-keng chhù ê sok-siá, ba̍k-chiu m̄-kam pàng-khui he Tek-kok ê chhù-kòa, chhù ê Tek-kok kut-kè, gô-thâu-piah, chióng-chióng góa só͘ ài ê, chióng-chióng se̍k-sāi ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Góa chhim-chhim ài goán-tau ê it-chhè, in-ūi góa boeh lī-khui i ah. Bîn-á-chài góa ē ài pa̍t-ê chhù-kòa, pa̍t-ê chhun-sià. Góa m̄-ài chhiūⁿ pa̍t-lâng tī ài-chêng-phoe lāi-té kóng--ê, kā góa ê sim lâu--lo̍h-lâi. M̄, góa boeh chah i khì pôaⁿ-soaⁿ, in-ūi góa su-iàu i, nā bô bē-sái. Góa sī chi̍t-ê iû-bo̍k-chiá, m̄-sī chò-sit-lâng. Góa him-siān lâng hiau-sim, hèng-piàn, o͘-pe̍h-siūⁿ. Góa m̄-ài kā góa ê ài tèng tī ko͘ chi̍t-ê só͘-chāi. Góa siong-sìn, lán ê ài kan-ta sī chi̍t-ê piau-chì. Kìⁿ-nā lán ê ài siuⁿ kò͘-tēng tī chi̍t-ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, chi̍t-ê sìn-ióng, chi̍t-ê tō-tek, góa tō khai-sí hoâi-gî.

Chò-sit-lâng hok-khì lah! Chit ê só͘-chāi ê chú-lâng, tī chia chèng-choh ê lâng, chīn-tiong ê lâng, siú tō-tek ê lâng lóng hok-khì lah! Góa ài in, góa chun-kèng in, góa him-siān in. M̄-koh góa í-keng lōng-hùi pòaⁿ-tiâu sèⁿ-miā siūⁿ-boeh kòe in ê seng-oa̍h. Hit-sî góa siūⁿ-boeh piàn-chò góa m̄-sī ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Góa bat siūⁿ-boeh chò si-jîn, tông-sî koh chò siā-hōe tiong-chàn kai-kip ê lâng. Góa mā bat siūⁿ-boeh chò gē-su̍t-ka kap hoàn-sióng-ka, m̄-koh mā siūⁿ-boeh chò hó lâng, chò kò͘-ke ê lâng. Án-ne keng-kòe kú-kú, góa chiah chai, lán-lâng bē-tàng sī nn̄g-khoán, ū nn̄g-hāng, góa sī iû-bo̍k-chiá, m̄-sī chò-sit-lâng, sī cháu-chhōe--ê, m̄-sī koán-kò͘--ê. Kú-kú góa tī kok-chióng sîn kap lu̍t ê ngó͘-siōng thâu-chêng chek-pī ka-tī. Tō-sī tī chia góa hut m̄-tio̍h, chhau-hoân, kún-ká tio̍h sè-sio̍k ê thòng-khó͘. Góa chiat-bôa ka-tī, m̄-káⁿ kiâⁿ ǹg ka-tī ê kái-kiù, soah lâi cheng-ka sè-sio̍k ê chōe-kò kap khó͘-lān. Kái-kiù ê lō͘ m̄-sī tī tò-pêng, mā m̄-sī tī chiàⁿ-pêng: i sī tī lí ka-tī ê sim, Sîn kan-ta tī hia, hô-pêng kan-ta tī hia.

Tâm-sip ê soaⁿ-hong chhoe kòe góa, hn̄g-hn̄g ná tó-sū ê nâ-thiⁿ, chi̍t-tè chi̍t-tè tah tī thaⁿ-hiong ê téng-koân. Tī hiah-ê thiⁿ ê ē-bīn, ū-sî góa ē hoaⁿ-hí, ū-sî góa ē su-liām kò͘-hiong. Góa chò-ûi oân-choân ê lâng, chiàⁿ-káng ê lōng-chú, bô-èng-kai su-liām kò͘-hiong. M̄-koh góa chai, góa pēng m̄-sī oân-choân, góa mā bô siūⁿ-boeh oân-choân. Ká-ná thé-giām góa ê khoài-lo̍k kāng-khoán, góa mā boeh thé-giām góa ê hiong-chhiû.

Góa peh-soaⁿ tú tio̍h ê chit chūn hong, ū iâu-oán kap hn̄g-tô͘ ê phang-bī, ū pun-chúi-niá kap gōa-kok-gí ê phang-bī, mā ū soaⁿ-me̍h kap lâm-kok ê phang-bī. I tòa hō͘ góa móa-móa ê hi-bāng.

Chài-hōe lah, sió-sió lông-sià, chài-hōe lah, góa ê kò͘-hiong. Góa lī-khui lí, tō ná chhiūⁿ siàu-liân lâng lī-khui in lāu-bú: i chai, í-keng sī ài lī-khui ê sî, i mā chai, i bô khó-lêng oân-choân lī-khui lāu-bú, siūⁿ-boeh, mā bô-hoat-tō͘.

--

1. 農舍 [台語語音]

Tō 是這間厝, tī 遮我講再會. 久久我袂 koh 看著這款厝. 你知, 我得欲到 Alpes 山 ê 一个山關, tī 遮, 北爿 ê, 德國 ê 建築, 德國 ê 庄跤, kap 德國 ê 語言 lóng 到盡尾.

行過這種邊界真心適. 浪子 tī 真濟方面變成原始人, tō ná 像游牧者比做穡人較原始仝款. M̄-koh 項項想欲去另外彼爿 ê ǹg 望已經定著 ah, 對我來講, 對像我 ê 人 mā 仝款, 這个邊界 tō ná 是行向未來 ê 路標. 準若有真濟人像我 hiah-nī 討厭國 kap 國 ê 邊界, tō 袂 koh 有戰爭 kap 封鎖 lah. 地球上無比邊界 koh 較討人厭, koh 較顧人怨 ê lah. In tō ná 大砲, ná 將軍: 只要維持親愛 kap 和平, 無人會注意 in -- m̄-koh 一出現戰爭抑是暴亂, in tō 變成要緊 koh 神聖. Tī 戰爭當中, 邊界是阮浪子 ê 痛苦 kap 監獄. In lóng 去死好 lah!

我 tī 簿仔 teh 畫這間厝 ê 速寫, 目睭毋甘放開彼德國 ê 厝蓋, 厝 ê 德國骨架, 鰲頭壁, 種種我所愛 ê, 種種熟似 ê 物件. 我深深愛阮兜 ê 一切, 因為我欲離開伊 ah. 明仔載我會愛別个厝蓋, 別个村舍. 我毋愛像別人 tī 愛情批內底講 ê, kā 我 ê 心留落來. 毋, 我欲扎伊去盤山, 因為我需要伊, 若無袂使. 我是一个游牧者, 毋是做穡人. 我欣羨人僥心, 興變, 烏白想. 我毋愛 kā 我 ê 愛釘 tī 孤一个所在. 我相信, 咱 ê 愛干焦是一个標誌. 見若咱 ê 愛傷固定 tī 一个物件, 一个信仰, 一个道德, 我 tō 開始懷疑.

做穡人福氣 lah! 這个所在 ê 主人, tī 遮種作 ê 人, 盡忠 ê 人, 守道德 ê 人 lóng 福氣 lah! 我愛 in, 我尊敬 in, 我欣羨 in. M̄-koh 我已經浪費半條性命想欲過 in ê 生活. 彼時我想欲變做我毋是 ê 物件. 我 bat 想欲做詩人, 同時 koh 做社會中層階級 ê 人. 我 mā bat 想欲做藝術家 kap 幻想家, m̄-koh mā 想欲做好人, 做顧家 ê 人. Án-ne 經過久久, 我才知, 咱人袂當是兩款, 有兩項, 我是游牧者, 毋是做穡人, 是走揣 ê, 毋是管顧 ê. 久久我 tī 各種神 kap 律 ê 偶像頭前責備家己. 就是 tī 遮我 hut 毋著, 操煩, 滾絞著世俗 ê 痛苦. 我折磨家己, 毋敢行 ǹg 家己 ê 解救, 煞來增加世俗 ê 罪過 kap 苦難. 解救 ê 路毋是 tī 倒爿, mā 毋是 tī 正爿: 伊是 tī 你家己 ê 心, 神干焦 tī 遐, 和平干焦 tī 遐.

澹溼 ê 山風吹過我, 遠遠 ná 島嶼 ê 藍天, 一塊一塊 tah tī 他鄉 ê 頂懸. Tī hiah-ê 天 ê 下面, 有時我會歡喜, 有時我會思念故鄉. 我做為完全 ê 人, 正港 ê 浪子, 無應該思念故鄉. M̄-koh 我知, 我並毋是完全, 我 mā 無想欲完全. ká-ná 體驗我 ê 快樂仝款, 我 mā 欲體驗我 ê 鄉愁.

我 peh 山拄著 ê 這陣風, 有遙遠 kap 遠途 ê 芳味, 有分水嶺 kap 外國語 ê 芳味, mā 有山脈 kap 南國 ê 芳味. 伊帶予我滿滿 ê 希望.

再會 lah, 小小農舍, 再會 lah, 我 ê 故鄉. 我離開你, tō ná 像少年人離開 in 老母: 伊知, 已經是愛離開 ê 時, 伊 mā 知, 伊無可能完全離開老母, 想欲, mā 無法度.

--

1. Farmhouse

This is the house where I say goodbye. For a long time I won't see another house like this one. You see, I'm approaching a pass in the Alps, and here the northern, German architecture, and the German countryside, and the German language come to an end.

How lovely it is to cross such a boundary. The wandering man becomes a primitive man in so many ways, in the same way that the nomad is more primitive than the farmer. But the longing to get on the other side of everything already settled, this makes me, and everybody like me, a road sign to the future. If there were many other people who loathed the borders between countries as I do, then there would be no more wars and blockades. Nothing on earth is more disgusting, more contemptible than borders. They're like cannons, like generals: as long as peace, loving kindness and peace go on, nobody pays any attention to them -- but as soon as war and insanity appear, they become urgent and sacred. While the war went on, how they were pain and prison to us wanderers. Davil take them!

I am making a sketch of the house in my notebook, and my eye sadly leaves the German roof, the German frame of the house, the gable, everything I love, every familiar thing. Once again I love deeply everything at home, because I have to leave it. Tomorrow I will love other roofs, other cottages. I won't leave my heart behind me, as they say in love letters. No, I am going to carry it with me over the mountain, because I need it, always. I am a nomad, not a farmer. I am an adorer of the unfaithful, the changing, the fantastic. I don't care to secure my love to one bare place on this earth. I believe that what we love is only a symbol. Whenever our love becomes too attached to one thing, one faith, one virtue, then I become suspicious.

Good luck to the farmer! Good luck to the man who owns this place, the man who works it, the faithful, the virtuous! I can love them, I can revere him, I can envy him. But I have wasted half my life trying to live his life. I wanted to be something that I was not. I even wanted to be a poet and a middle-class person at the same time. I wanted to be an artist and a man of fantasy, but I also wanted to be a good man, a man at home. It all went on for a long time, till I knew that a man cannot be both and have both, that I am a nomad and not a farmer, a man who searches and not a man who keeps. A long time I castigated myself before gods and laws which were only idols for me. That was what I did wrong, my anguish, my complicity in the world's pain. I increased the world's guilt and anguish, by doing violence to myself, by not daring to walk toward my own salvation. The way to salvation leads neither to the left nor the right: it leads into your own heart, and there alone is God, and there alone is peace.

A damp mountain wind drifts across me, beyond me blue islands of heaven gaze down on other countries. Beneath those heavens I will be happy sometimes, and sometimes I will be homesick beneath them. The complete man that I am, the pure wanderer, mustn't think about homesickness. But I know it. I am not complete, and I do not even strive to be complete. I want to taste my homesickness, as I taste my joy.

This wind, into which I am climbing, is fragrant of beyongs and distance, of watersheds and foreign languages, of mountains and southern places. It is full of promise.

Goodbye, small farmhouse and my native country. I leave you as a young man leaves his mother: he knows it is time for him to leave her, and he knows, too, he can never leave her completely, even though he wants to.

--

"Doch ich habe die Hälfte meines Lebens vergeudet, indem ich sein Leben zu leben versuchte. Ich wollte etwas sein, was ich nicht war."