7. Kiô | 橋

7. Kiô

Chit tiâu lō͘ thong-kòe chi̍t-ê tī soaⁿ-khe téng keng-kòe chúi-chhiâng ê kiô. Ū chi̍t kái, góa kiâⁿ-kòe chit tiâu khe -- kî-si̍t ū chin chē kái, m̄-koh hit kái chin te̍k-pia̍t. Chiàn-cheng iáu teh chìn-hêng, góa ê ká-kî tú soah, góa ài koh khí-tāng, chiūⁿ chng-kha lō͘ kap chē hóe-chhia, kóaⁿ sî-kan tńg-khì góa ê tan-ūi. Chiàn-cheng kap jīm-bū, pàng-ká kap siu-ká, âng-sek chèng-kiāⁿ kap chheⁿ-sek chèng-kiāⁿ, tōa-jîn-bu̍t, pō͘-tiúⁿ, chiong-kun, kong-bū ki-koan -- he sī siáⁿ lóng pháiⁿ tiāⁿ-tio̍h, o͘-iáⁿ têng-têng ê sè-kài, m̄-koh i kè-sio̍k chûn-chāi, kè-sio̍k kian-kiông-kah ē to̍k-hāi chit phiàn thó͘-tē, i ū lá-pah thang tiàu-chi̍p sió-sió ê góa, chi̍t ê lōng-chú kiam chúi-chhái ōe-ka, i ē-tàng kā góa ùi phiah-lān-só͘ chhoe--chhut-lâi. Hia ū chi̍t phìⁿ chháu-po͘, chi̍t ê pô-tô-hn̂g; hit sî boeh-àm, kiô ē-bīn ê khe-chúi tī o͘-àm tiong khàu, tâm-tâm ê koaⁿ-bang sih-sih-chùn, hông-hun àm--khì ê thiⁿ thòaⁿ-khui, chi̍t lúi mûi-kùi léng-léng teh khui; chin kín tō sī hóe-kim-ko͘ chhut-lâi ê sî-kan ah. Chia bô chi̍t lia̍p chio̍h-thâu góa bô ài. Bô chi̍t tih chúi-chhiâng ê chúi góa bô kah-ì, he lóng sī ùi Sîn ê bi̍t-sit lak--lo̍h-lâi ê. M̄-koh che lóng bô-sǹg siáⁿ, góa tùi sûi-sûi, tâm-sip chhiū-á-châng ê ài, kan-ta sī chi̍t chióng kám-siong, hiān-si̍t tō m̄-sī án-ne, sī in-ūi chiàn-cheng, he chhut-chū chiong-kun ê chhùi, chhut-chū sū-koaⁿ ê chhùi, góa tō ài cháu-chông, sè-kài só͘-ū soaⁿ-kok chhut-lâi ê kî-thaⁿ chhian-chhian-bān-bān lâng mā lóng ài cháu-chông, chi̍t-ê úi-tāi ê sî-tāi khai-sí ah. Chū án-ne góan chiah-ê khó-liân ê thiaⁿ-ōe ê tōng-bu̍t piàⁿ-miā kín cháu-chông, sî-tāi tō koh-khah úi-tāi ah. M̄-koh tī chit-ê kòe-thêng tiong, kiô-kha ê khe tī góa sim ni̍h chhiùⁿ-koa, hôe-ìn tio̍h hông-hun thiⁿ-khong ê phî-lô, só͘-ū--ê lóng khí-kông, lóng bô hoaⁿ-hí.

Taⁿ, lán koh teh kiâⁿ-lō͘ ah, ta̍k-ê kiâⁿ tī i ka-tī ê khe-piⁿ, tī i ka-tī ê ke-lō͘, lán koh khòaⁿ tio̍h kāng-khoán ê lāu sè-kài, chhiū-á-châng, kap chháu-phiâⁿ, lán iōng piàn khah pêng-chēng, khah ià-siān ê ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ in. Lán hoâi-liām sí-khì ê pêng-iú, lán kan-ta chai, che tō sī lán ka-tī ê pi-ai, lán ài jím-siū.

M̄-koh che khó-ài ê chúi, pe̍h-pe̍h koh nâ-nâ, kè-sio̍k ùi chhiah-sek ê soaⁿ-téng lâu lo̍h, chhiùⁿ lāu koa, chhiū-á-châng iáu sī hioh móa o͘-a-á. Lán bô thiaⁿ tio̍h hn̄g-hn̄g ê lá-pah siaⁿ, úi-tāi ê sî-tāi koh chi̍t-kái ū chhiong-móa sîn-kî ê ji̍t-sî kap àm-sî, chá-khí kap hông-hun, tiong-tàu kap phú-kng, pau-iông bān-mi̍h ê sè-kài ê sim kè-sio̍k thiàu-tāng. Tng lán tó tī chháu-po͘, hīⁿ-khang phak tī thô͘-kha, a̍h-sī ùi kiô thàm-thâu khòaⁿ chúi, a̍h-sī kú-kú khòaⁿ bêng-liāng ê thiⁿ, lán tō sī teh thiaⁿ, thiaⁿ he an-siông ê sim, he sī lāu-bú ê sim, lán sī i ê kiáⁿ-jî.

Kin-á-ji̍t, góa nā khì siūⁿ góa lī-khui chit ê só͘-chāi ê hit mê, góa thiaⁿ tio̍h hn̄g hn̄g lâi ê oàn-thàn, hit ê ut-chut kap khì-bī m̄-chai-iáⁿ chiàn-tàu kap au-kiò chit khoán tāi-chì.

Ū chi̍t kang, ut-áu góa ê sèⁿ-miā kap hō͘ i oàn-thàn, chhiâng-chāi hō͘ góa chhiong-moa thòng-khó͘ ê chióng-chióng chóng ē bô--khì. Ū chi̍t kang, tòe tio̍h chòe-āu ê phî-lô, an-lêng ē lâi, tōa-tē bó-chhin ē chhōa góa tńg chhù. Che m̄-sī tāi-chì ê kiat-sok, kan-ta sī chi̍t tiâu koh chhut-sì ê lō͘, sé chi̍t-kái sin-khu, chi̍t ê hioh-khùn, hō͘ laū--ê, lian-khì--ê tîm-lo̍h, hō͘ siàu-liân--ê, sin--ê khai-sí chhóan-khùi.

Chū án-ne, chah tio̍h kî-thaⁿ ê siūⁿ-hoat, góa boeh kiâⁿ chiah-ê ke-lō͘, thiaⁿ khe-chúi ê siaⁿ, thau-thiaⁿ àm-sî thiⁿ-téng ê kóng-ōe, chi̍t-kái, chi̍t-kái, koh chi̍t-kái.

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7. 橋

這條路通過一个 tī 山溪頂經過水沖 ê 橋. 有一改, 我行過這條溪 -- 其實有真濟改, m̄-koh 彼改真特別. 戰爭猶 teh 進行, 我 ê 假期拄煞, 我愛 koh 起動, 上庄跤路 kap 坐火車, 趕時間轉去我 ê 單位. 戰爭 kap 任務, 放假 kap 收假, 紅色證件 kap 青色證件, 大人物, 部長, 將軍, 公務機關 -- 彼是啥攏歹定著, 烏影重重 ê 世界, m̄-koh 伊繼續存在, 繼續堅強甲會毒害這片土地, 伊有喇叭通召集小小 ê 我, 一个浪子兼水彩畫家, 伊會當 kā 我 ùi 避難所吹出來. 遐有一片草埔, 一个葡萄園; 彼時欲暗, 橋下面 ê 溪水 tī 烏暗中哭, 澹澹 ê 菅芒 sih-sih 顫, 黃昏暗去 ê 天湠開, 一蕊玫瑰冷冷 teh 開; 真緊 tō 是火金姑出來 ê 時間 ah. 遮無一粒石頭我無愛. 無一滴水沖 ê 水我無佮意, 彼攏是 ùi 神 ê 密室 lak 落來 ê. M̄-koh 這攏無算啥, 我對垂垂, 澹溼樹仔叢 ê 愛, 干焦是一種感傷, 現實 tō 毋是 án-ne, 是因為戰爭, 彼出自將軍 ê 喙, 出自士官 ê 喙, 我 tō 愛走傱, 世界所有山谷出來 ê 其他千千萬萬人 mā 攏愛走傱, 一个偉大 ê 時代開始 ah. 自 án-ne 阮 chiah-ê 可憐 ê 聽話 ê 動物拚命緊走傱, 時代 tō koh 較偉大 ah. M̄-koh tī 這个過程中, 橋跤 ê 溪 tī 我心 ni̍h 唱歌, 回應著黃昏天空 ê 疲勞, 所有 ê 攏起狂, 攏無歡喜.

今, 咱 koh teh 行路 ah, 逐个行 tī 伊家己 ê 溪邊, tī 伊家己 ê 街路, 咱 koh 看著仝款 ê 老世界, 樹仔叢, kap 草坪, 咱用變較平靜, 較厭僐 ê 目睭看 in. 咱懷念死去 ê 朋友, 咱干焦知, 這 tō 是咱家己 ê 悲哀, 咱愛忍受.

M̄-koh 這可愛 ê 水, 白白 koh 藍藍, 繼續 ùi 赤色 ê 山頂流落, 唱老歌, 樹仔叢猶是歇滿烏鴉仔. 咱無聽著遠遠 ê 喇叭聲, 偉大 ê 時代 koh 一改有充滿神奇 ê 日時 kap 暗時, 早起 kap 黃昏, 中晝 kap 殕光, 包容萬物 ê 世界 ê 心繼續跳動. 當咱倒 tī 草埔, 耳空仆 tī 塗跤, 抑是 ùi 橋探頭看水, 抑是久久看明亮 ê 天, 咱 tō 是 teh 聽, 聽彼安祥 ê 心, 彼是老母 ê 心, 咱是伊 ê 囝兒.

今仔日, 我若去想我離開這个所在 ê 彼暝, 我聽著遠遠來 ê 怨嘆, 彼个鬱卒 kap 氣味毋知影戰鬥 kap 謳叫這款代誌.

有一工, ut-áu 我 ê 性命 kap 予伊怨嘆, 常在予我充滿痛苦 ê 種種總會無去. 有一工, 綴著最後 ê 疲勞, 安寧會來, 大地母親會 chhōa 我轉厝. 這毋是代誌 ê 結束, 干焦是一條 koh 出世 ê 路, 洗一改身軀, 一个歇睏, 予老 ê, lian 去 ê 沉落, 予少年 ê, 新 ê 開始喘氣.

自 án-ne, 扎著其他 ê 想法, 我欲行 chiah-ê 街路, 聽溪水 ê 聲, 偷聽暗時天頂 ê 講話, 一改, 一改, koh 一改.

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7. The Bridge

The road leads across a bridge over a mountain stream and past a waterfall. One time I walked across this stream -- many times, as a matter of fact, but one walk was very special. The war was still going on, and my leave was just over, and I had to get moving again, had to hurry on country roads and railroads, to return to my duties in good time. War and respondibility, leaving and having to go back, those red certificates and green certificates, excellencies, ministers, generals, bureaucratic offices -- what an improbable and shadowy world it was, and yet it went on living, it was still strong enouth to poison the land, it had trumpets that could summon forth this small myself, a wanderer and painter of watercolors, it could blast me out of my rufuge. The meadow lay there, and the vineyard, and beneath the bridge -- it was evening -- the stream wept in the darkness, and the damp reeds shivered, and the diminishing sky of evening spread out, a rose growing cold; soon the time for fireflies began. Not a stone here that I did not love. Not a drop of water in the waterfall that I wasn't grateful for, that didn't come falling from the secret chambers of God. But this was all nothing, my love for the sagging, wet bushes was just sentimental, and reality was something else, it was the war, and it rang through the general's mouth, the sergeant's mouth, and I had to run, and out of all the valleys of the world thousands of others had to run with me, and a great time had dawned. And we poor obedient beasts ran as fast as we could, and the time became even greater. But on the whole journey, the steam beneath the bridge sang in me, and echoed the gentle exhaustion of the evening heaven, and everything was altogether crazy and unhappy.

Now we are walking again, each one of us walking beside his own stream and down his own street, and we see the same old world, bushes and sloping meadows, we see them with eyes grown quieter and wearier. We think about friends who are buried, and all we know is that it had to be, and we bear it, our own sorrow.

But the lovely water, white and blue, goes on flowing down from the brown mountain, and it sings the old song, and the bushes still sit full of blackbirds. No trumpets shriek at us from the distances, and the great time consists once more of days and nights that are full lf magic, and mornings and evenings, noons and twilights, and the patient heart of the world goes on beating. When we lie down in the meadow, an ear pressed to the earth, or lean out from the bridge over the water, or gaze long and long into the brilliant sky, this is our way of listening to it, the huge serene heart, and it is the heart of the mother, whose children we are.

Today, if I think about that evening when I departed from this place, I hear grief across a distance whose blueness and fragrance know nothing of the battles and screams.

And some day there will be nothing left of everything that has twisted my life and grieved it and filled me so often with such anguish. Some day, with the last exhaustion, peace will come and the motherly earth will gather me back home. It won't be the end of things, only a way of being born again, and bathing and a slumber where the old and the withered sink down, where the young and new begin to breathe.

Then, with other thoughts, I will walk along streets like these, and listen to streams, and overhear what the sky says in the evening, over and over and over.

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